Observation:

Lou Lou runs with her arms stretched out behind her back. She looks a bit like a super hero--or maybe just a kid that doesn't know how to run.

I blame Charming. Because it's better than blaming myself.

Why can't we be friends?

First of all, thank you to those of you brave enough to vote on my blog background. I actually have a site meter, and so I can see how many hits my blog gets a day and where they come from--not exactly who you are, so it's not super stockery. Anywho, the point is that I know more people visit this blog than the amount that actually comment or participate in polls. That's fine if you wish to remain anonymous, but seriously, I highly doubt I would be creeped out by your blog-stocking, rather I would be flattered by your interest. So, if you're up to it, make yourself known!

So (obviously) I did pick a new background that I feel very comfortable with. It's casual, cute, and not over-the-top--kind of like me. I always like to be presentable but in a cute and casual way. Still, you'll be hard-pressed to find me with glitzy jewelery; simple earrings and maybe a bracelet to church are about as far as I go. Those things are attention-attracters, and I'd rather my jewelery or my hair or whatever not become the focus of people's thoughts. I suppose my ultimate goal in dressing up etc. would be for people to subconsciously approve of me and then move on. For example--if someone tells you how beautiful your makeup is, that might actually be a clue that you have on too much makeup. Just the fact that your makeup has made it's way into the forefront of another person's thoughts should tell you that it's a bit overdone. Makeup should beautify and enhance one's features, not create what is not there originally.

Wow, that was a diatribe. I feel that now I have blogged once again I have several things that may or may not be of interest to all of you who compose the elusive internet. I think my main issues are 1) I have personal issues going on that distract me from fun day-to-day things. This obviously needs to change in order for me to enjoy the little things in life, which tend to make up the bulk of life's enjoyments. And 2) I believe I have a slight fear, or perhaps shyness is the correct word, of boring my friends, family, and random strangers to death. My new goal is to not over-analyze before I blog. Rather, I am going to enjoy the process (hopefully). We'll see how it goes.

Much love to all--friends and stalkers alike!

EDIT: I just remembered a wonderful compliment a friend of mine sent me on facebook this week. She told me how nice I looked at church and she liked my hair. I wanted to clarify (especially to her if she is reading this) that her words gave me warm fuzzies and made my day. I was in no way referring to her compliment when I was talking about people noticing your hair or makeup. Love ya! That is all.

Please, help me care.

I've been deliberating for the last 15 minutes if I wanted to blog. I mean, all signs point to Yes! You haven't blogged in over a week Megs! But guess what?

I.

Don't.

Care.

I suppose that statement could be somewhat misleading--indeed, I wish I cared. I wish that I had several entertaining blogs ready to spring on the world. Truth be told, there have been some flickers of ideas where I think, "Ah! I should totally blog about that." But then the moment passes and it's gone.

To sum up, I have lost the motivation to blog. I promise this is a temporary disease--because I love blogging, it's so fun--I just need the proper motivation to spit out my random thoughts. So there you go, my blogging about not blogging. Now next time, perhaps I will concentrate this energy into an actual post.

That is all.

My trip to the *cough cough* auto-mechanic--I mean... doctor

So today I went to the doctor for an issue I've been dealing with for some time. Actually, it's an issue that has been checked over by the doctor before, with tests done and the whole works. In my previous experience after my complete checkup I was told "Despite all of our high-tech expensive tests and procedures, we don't know what's wrong with you. But whatever it is, it doesn't seem to be hurting you too much so just deal with it".... or something that sounded a whole lot similar in my head.

The "issue/problem" has progressed recently and made me anxious (see previous post) so I went back to visit the doctor. Although apparently she had my entire medical history right there on a clip board in front of her, the nurse asked me all the same questions I had been asked previously and made me fill out a questionnaire I swear I had filled out the last time I graced their office. She then informed me that one of those expensive tests/procedures needed to be done, and after some protesting I gave in.

Finally the doctor came in and performed the expensive test/procedure, all while asking me the same questions the nurse had just asked 10 minutes before. Goodness, couldn't the woman have taken one minute to peek at the infamous clipboard that contains all my medical history during the 10 minute interval I had to sit in a very unappealing gown that was precariously velcroed together around.... around me?

At the completion of this expensive test/procedure the doctor said she was interested in performing yet another expensive test/procedure to just "take a peek" and see "what's going on". I informed the good doctor that that expensive test/procedure had already been done to me and with no interesting results. She smiled sweetly and informed me again that she'd "like to take a peek"--who knows, something might have changed! I sighed and traipsed over into the special room where I received the next expensive test/procedure.

Eventually I ended up back in the original room with the doctor, who informed me that my test came out perfect and there was nothing interesting to learn from it. I already knew that--see above. Seeing my frustration with her lack of helpful new information or ideas, she then suggested yet another previously performed expensive test/procedure. I again informed her that I had already had that expensive test/procedure and it had come out fine. She believed me. Yay!

With a sigh the doctor informed me that "Despite all of our high-tech expensive tests and procedures, we don't know what's wrong with you. But whatever it is, it doesn't seem to be hurting you too much so just deal with it. If the problem continues, please come back in a few months and we'll see what we can do." ...(or something that sounded a lot similar to that). Not on your life--I can definitely see a pattern forming here.

I drove home feeling like I had just been to the auto-mechanic (not that I've ever actually been to the auto-mechanic, that's Charming's job:P). I went in to have the specialists figure out what was wrong with one particular thing, and somehow I left with unnecessarily rotated tires and brand-new brakes! Do you ever feel like you get the whole run through at the doctor's office? Like they're not listening to what you're saying or interested in anything beyond their own limited ideas and expensive tests and procedures? So. Frustrated.

Issues

Today I am dealing with blogging issues. You may notice my new background. I hate it. The lines going across the page make it difficult to read. I was just trying it out to see what I thought about the general design when thecutestblogontheblock.com crashed again. Geesh! Can they stay open long enough for me to find a background? Anywho, I had to go and customize everything different so that my blog could be legible during this temporary situation.

I am having a hard time figuring out what kind of background I want. What do you think? Backgrounds are like blogger homes, they give you a feeling of what kind of house you've entered--a happy family house? party-girl nsync lover house? too lazy to make it cute house? ultracreative I'm-a-scrapbooker-house? laid back and happy in the sunshine house? I don't know--I hate these kind of defining-moment decisions. My style is very much simple, clean-cut, but with enough "umph", or style, or class, or whatever to make an impression. Maybe I should move away from this idea and be bold--you know, like those people who buy orange leather couches for their white carpeted living room (please don't say you like that idea, it just made me throw up in my mouth). Feel free to submit your opinion in the poll to the right.

If you can deal with me pledge your loyalty now. If that's too much commitment, you may continue lurking without revealing yourself. Fine by me.

So I've noticed lately that many of my posts (or just regular sentences for that matter) begin with "So". So what? Just pointing out that I'm aware of this idiosyncrasy and I don't plan to change it soon. "So" just seems like a nice, casual way to start a sentence--things flow better with so. I don't do it on purpose, it just flows from me like the universe was meant to be this way.

You may have noticed that my blog background can very well be described as "blech". I am also aware if this. My favorite blog background supplier is apparently everybody else's favorite as well because their service has been down for about a week. So after about 2.5 minutes of heavy internet searching, I found that no other site can offer what thecutestblogontheblock.com can. By the time this monumental discovery was made I had messed around with the template enough to have permanently deleted the cutesy Christmas ornament background I had going on. So now we're just back to blogger blah--but have no fear, the problem will soon be remedied (I hope and pray).

I'm not sure if I have ever stated the point of my blog here on the blog itself. I'm not positive what a reader's opinion of it might be. I know it isn't overly thematic--more random than anything else. Some might think this is a Mormon Mommy blog or maybe a fun way for a SAHM to keep connected with her friends. Although I'm sure many of my posts come across this way, the blog's true purpose has been to serve as my personal prescription against boredom, stir-craziness, and a need to spout my thoughts, ideas, or whatever it is that is on my mind to someone or something besides small children. That's not really something you can put as a header to welcome browsers to your domain, but nevertheless--I think that's the general idea. I simply need something in the universe to listen, even if it is just a blank screen. Fortunately for you (wink wink) it all gets to be posted on the World Wide Web for your perusal and entertainment.

So please forgive me if I spout and it seems a little whiny or ranty. It's therapeutic for me. Here goes:

Actually I've just sat here for the last 4 minutes trying to find a way to say what I'm thinking about feeling without coming across whiny and losing readers. Give me your confidence--or maybe just give me your therapist, I could probably use one. Okay now here goes.

There are some things in life that I've planned and hoped for believing that they will come easily. Lately one of those things has, perhaps, turned out not to be the case. Notice the perhaps--luckily it's there, but at the moment all I feel is doom settling around me in regards to this thing I have planned and hoped for. Lately I have felt strongly that I must be suffering from great anxiety--Charming thinks I ought to get "real help" if you know what I mean. I worry over things normal people sigh about and then forget. I worry to the point of making myself sick. I've received great speeches of hope and trust and faith from loved ones, but I still worry about potential car wrecks, illnesses, and financial problems. This affliction doesn't cover all areas of my life, but it does enough for me to spend part of every day in extreme worry and anxiousness. I will continue planning and hoping, but in the mean time I'm sure I will continue worrying and fretting.

Okay here's some real whining: I'm sick. Don't you hate being sick? I do. Okay now I'll just go take some Sudafed. Dang I forgot we're out. Whiiiiiiiiine.

Now I've probably lost all 9 of my readers. (Shoot, and just when the numbers were starting to go up.) Meh, I'm sure Jayni and Jaction will stay loyal. Feel free to pledge your loyalty in the comments.