Why can't we be friends?

First of all, thank you to those of you brave enough to vote on my blog background. I actually have a site meter, and so I can see how many hits my blog gets a day and where they come from--not exactly who you are, so it's not super stockery. Anywho, the point is that I know more people visit this blog than the amount that actually comment or participate in polls. That's fine if you wish to remain anonymous, but seriously, I highly doubt I would be creeped out by your blog-stocking, rather I would be flattered by your interest. So, if you're up to it, make yourself known!

So (obviously) I did pick a new background that I feel very comfortable with. It's casual, cute, and not over-the-top--kind of like me. I always like to be presentable but in a cute and casual way. Still, you'll be hard-pressed to find me with glitzy jewelery; simple earrings and maybe a bracelet to church are about as far as I go. Those things are attention-attracters, and I'd rather my jewelery or my hair or whatever not become the focus of people's thoughts. I suppose my ultimate goal in dressing up etc. would be for people to subconsciously approve of me and then move on. For example--if someone tells you how beautiful your makeup is, that might actually be a clue that you have on too much makeup. Just the fact that your makeup has made it's way into the forefront of another person's thoughts should tell you that it's a bit overdone. Makeup should beautify and enhance one's features, not create what is not there originally.

Wow, that was a diatribe. I feel that now I have blogged once again I have several things that may or may not be of interest to all of you who compose the elusive internet. I think my main issues are 1) I have personal issues going on that distract me from fun day-to-day things. This obviously needs to change in order for me to enjoy the little things in life, which tend to make up the bulk of life's enjoyments. And 2) I believe I have a slight fear, or perhaps shyness is the correct word, of boring my friends, family, and random strangers to death. My new goal is to not over-analyze before I blog. Rather, I am going to enjoy the process (hopefully). We'll see how it goes.

Much love to all--friends and stalkers alike!

EDIT: I just remembered a wonderful compliment a friend of mine sent me on facebook this week. She told me how nice I looked at church and she liked my hair. I wanted to clarify (especially to her if she is reading this) that her words gave me warm fuzzies and made my day. I was in no way referring to her compliment when I was talking about people noticing your hair or makeup. Love ya! That is all.

If you can deal with me pledge your loyalty now. If that's too much commitment, you may continue lurking without revealing yourself. Fine by me.

So I've noticed lately that many of my posts (or just regular sentences for that matter) begin with "So". So what? Just pointing out that I'm aware of this idiosyncrasy and I don't plan to change it soon. "So" just seems like a nice, casual way to start a sentence--things flow better with so. I don't do it on purpose, it just flows from me like the universe was meant to be this way.

You may have noticed that my blog background can very well be described as "blech". I am also aware if this. My favorite blog background supplier is apparently everybody else's favorite as well because their service has been down for about a week. So after about 2.5 minutes of heavy internet searching, I found that no other site can offer what thecutestblogontheblock.com can. By the time this monumental discovery was made I had messed around with the template enough to have permanently deleted the cutesy Christmas ornament background I had going on. So now we're just back to blogger blah--but have no fear, the problem will soon be remedied (I hope and pray).

I'm not sure if I have ever stated the point of my blog here on the blog itself. I'm not positive what a reader's opinion of it might be. I know it isn't overly thematic--more random than anything else. Some might think this is a Mormon Mommy blog or maybe a fun way for a SAHM to keep connected with her friends. Although I'm sure many of my posts come across this way, the blog's true purpose has been to serve as my personal prescription against boredom, stir-craziness, and a need to spout my thoughts, ideas, or whatever it is that is on my mind to someone or something besides small children. That's not really something you can put as a header to welcome browsers to your domain, but nevertheless--I think that's the general idea. I simply need something in the universe to listen, even if it is just a blank screen. Fortunately for you (wink wink) it all gets to be posted on the World Wide Web for your perusal and entertainment.

So please forgive me if I spout and it seems a little whiny or ranty. It's therapeutic for me. Here goes:

Actually I've just sat here for the last 4 minutes trying to find a way to say what I'm thinking about feeling without coming across whiny and losing readers. Give me your confidence--or maybe just give me your therapist, I could probably use one. Okay now here goes.

There are some things in life that I've planned and hoped for believing that they will come easily. Lately one of those things has, perhaps, turned out not to be the case. Notice the perhaps--luckily it's there, but at the moment all I feel is doom settling around me in regards to this thing I have planned and hoped for. Lately I have felt strongly that I must be suffering from great anxiety--Charming thinks I ought to get "real help" if you know what I mean. I worry over things normal people sigh about and then forget. I worry to the point of making myself sick. I've received great speeches of hope and trust and faith from loved ones, but I still worry about potential car wrecks, illnesses, and financial problems. This affliction doesn't cover all areas of my life, but it does enough for me to spend part of every day in extreme worry and anxiousness. I will continue planning and hoping, but in the mean time I'm sure I will continue worrying and fretting.

Okay here's some real whining: I'm sick. Don't you hate being sick? I do. Okay now I'll just go take some Sudafed. Dang I forgot we're out. Whiiiiiiiiine.

Now I've probably lost all 9 of my readers. (Shoot, and just when the numbers were starting to go up.) Meh, I'm sure Jayni and Jaction will stay loyal. Feel free to pledge your loyalty in the comments.

Ranting and breastfeeding and coming full circle.

I was reading a blog the other day about breastfeeding. The blogger simply stated that she absolutely did not like breastfeeding, but was still committed to it as long as it was working out with her and her child. I started to read through the comments section and believe me when I say that if I would have read every comment it would have taken me and hour and a half. Good gracious people can get opinionated fast! These comments were no-so-much geared towards "well bless you for nursing your children, even though it's not fun"--but more along the lines of "WHAT?!? You don't ENJOY sacrificing your body for the good of your child? WHAT KIND OF MOTHER ARE YOU!" and "SHAME ON THE LAST PERSON WHO POSTED because I disagree with not only everything they said but also everything they think and feel and do and I think they're ugly even though this is the internet and I can't see their picture." The idea of the original post soon was completely lost in the murky waters of breastfeeding vs. formula wars. You'd think that the author of the blog had simply said "Breastfeeding! GO!" and sent the commenters loose.

I have seen more and more of this on facebook and sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I just simply cancelled my account. Lately the craziness has stemmed from posts (and sometimes just status updates) that you'd think had shouted "Prop 8! GO!" And then everybody jumps down everyone else's throats. The same arguments are spouted again and again, and there's always 2 or 3 people that dominate the conversation that have to put down every last word someone opposing them has said. I can't stand the fight, especially when I've heard all the arguments a thousand times. I admit I sometimes give in and state my opinion or my stance--but that's about as far as I like to go. I hate confrontation, and I really do believe that everyone should be treated with respect. What IS it about the internet that turns usually polite people into rude, in-your-face monsters? It must be the seeming anonymity, and the feeling that there is enough distance between you and a virtual person who perhaps doesn't seem real.

Anywho, those are my thoughts for today. And now I would like to publicly state that I have breastfed both of my children. It was painful at first, but I was glad I did it in the end--despite the floppiness that has replaced the perkiness I used to enjoy. Sometimes nursing was fun, and I loved the bonding. Sometimes it was a nightmare because it was 2:30 am and I really needed to go to the potty but I was NURSING so obviously I couldn't. (But that part was also fun because I caught up on a ton of my reading in the wee hours.) And then sometimes it was just aggravating because Buttercup would run away and then come back for more. When that happens you know it's time to stop nursing (at least for me). And so I did. And I didn't feel guilty about giving my child a bottle of formula for a couple of months. But I did feel proud of myself for giving my children the extra nutrition that will be so beneficial to them throughout their lives.

What I'd really like to discuss is nursing in public--but not at length. Okay maybe I'll wait for my next post. And PLEASE, tell me your opinions. I'm sure all five of my readers are very polite and well-articulated folks. I will turn on the comments without fear.