Just because I'm a mother doesn't mean I can't rock out to Justin Timberlake.

Tonight in an attempt to entertain the children (and distract them from trying to eat Charming's late evening dinner themselves), I told the girlies we'd have a "dancing party". I flipped through my cd album, thinking to find some generic kiddie music (you know, the kind with Barney type drums, trumpets, and whistles in the background while some nasal voice sings about all the colors of the rainbow etc.), when my eyes paused on a cd I have long ago stopped listening to. Almost immediately my heart rate accelerated as memories flashed through my mind of the distant past and I contemplated the possibilities of the immediate future. I dropped the cd in and pushed play.

And I totally rocked out to N'sync.

I'm not talking about doing the twist or skipping through Ring Around the Rosie with my children. I'm talking about some serious booty-shaking, body-waving, come hither moves that have been sleeping dormant for years. Well tonight my "moves" sat right up out of bed, stretched and yawned, and headed out the door to get a PhD in..... nevermind.

I have never been ashamed to admit that I was an avid N'sync fan back in the day. My zeal for the group and all things teeny-bopper stretched as far as I was physically and legally aloud to go considering my financial situation, teenage status, and moral upbringing. (Just the sheer hottness of Taylor Hanson (from, you know--Hanson), prompted me to break up with a boyfriend because he just didn't "do it for me" the same way Taylor did....) It's hard to believe, but I probably listened to the same eight cd's during a five year period, and nothing else. I wanted nothing more and I was blissfully happy.

I believe deep down in every girl's soul there is a part of her that wants to break free and dance to The Backstreet Boys, or N'sync, or New Kids on the Block, or Donny Osmond--or whatever. Every generation has their celebrity boy toys. Nowadays girls freak out when Zac Efron busts out a note (who wouldn't with that constant, intense stare?), and my mom will break out "the swim", or worse--"the pony" when she hears the Osmonds. For years she has embarrassed me with her unabashed dance moves in her attempt to remember her youth and feel a little crazy and free again. My sisters and I would always cry with dismay to "Oh my gosh stop Mom, what are you DOING?!?!".

It was like a slap in the face tonight when I experienced the exact same thing. I thought I was young enough to still pass as cool when I danced--but to my children I am their mother, despite the fact that I am only twenty-five, and apparently they would like me to retain that title with dignity. Buttercup didn't like it. She said, "No Mama, don't do THAT!" (I think even Alex was a bit chagrined--I noticed how he tried to slyly close all the blinds so that the neighbors wouldn't see...) It was in that moment that I remembered my own mother dancing her heart out, kicking her feet around the room at odd angles to "The Pony", and I felt a stronger kinship with her that ever before. Yes, I still shudder a little when I picture her dancing away in the kitchen (sorry, Mom), but I know now where she's coming from, that she was young once--and still is in a lot of ways.

So bring on the music!!! HRH and Jaction, I know you'd be up for a good dance fest. Call all the girls and we'll move out all the furniture (like we did in college) and invite everyone in the building to stomp it out to Michael Jackson. If that can't be arranged, I'd settle for just my four sisters, in the kitchen and bottling tomatoes as we rock out to High School Musical or whatever. Just make sure it's a hott guy singing. (Or in Michael Jackson's case, a former hott guy.)

And I read on...

I love the feeling of cracking open a new book. I don't necessarily mean a shiny book, fresh from the store, one that hasn't ever been touched before (other than the shelfer's fingers). The kind of experience I am referring to is the opening of a book I have never before read, but I can feel the excitement shiver through my fingers as I begin reading the first lines.

The grand moment surfaces when what first began as curious glancing suddenly becomes voracious pouring as my eyes slide back and forth across the pages. I plunge myself headfirst into a world outside of my own, ready to think and feel and see the thoughts of a newly introduced character--ready to discover the story that lies at my waiting fingertips, itching to turn the pages.

I usually don't surface for hours. I come out of the world of fiction long enough for the necessities--most of them involving children--but mostly my head is in the story, and I have not deserted it for long. If a book of a few hundred pages or less takes more than two, maybe three, days to finish, it is definitely not a book worth reading because it has not made me desperate enough to want to know the ending. This is saying something.

If I could picture any perfect moment for my life--visualize what my heart truly desires from my existence--I would see myself in a pretty little room curled up on a large overstuffed chair (white and pale blue), looking lovely and blissful and serene, reading a book by an open window (probably shaded by a big tree with tweeting birds).

I believe this would be my heaven, my reason now for living my life the best way I know how. I do dishes and laundry and play with my children and make meals and keep up my house and love my life--all culminating in the breathless moment when I can fling myself into a chair and read. It is a luxury many in my place have denied themselves, saying it is too frivolous and time-consuming a pursuit. I agree. And yet I happily read on.....

Naughty naughty

This morning I was doing my best to wake up my girls cheerily by singing songs. I sang the second verse of In the Leafy Tree-Tops:

"In the pretty garden the flowers are nodding..."

Buttercup looked at me with a crinkled nose and furrowed eyebrows. "The flowers are naughty?" I had to laugh. The thought of naughty flowers in the garden and how Buttercup must picture them was pretty hilarious!

Only two things...

I woke up this morning with the determination to awe and inspire the online world with a new post on something deep or witty or at the very least entertaining. Unfortunately for me there are only two subjects in my head that I can think coherently about at the moment:

1--My children won't stop screaming at each other. Despite the plethora of toys located within the immediate vicinity, they seem to always want what the other one has. Lou Lou has an ear-piercing screech that occurs approximately every 1.8 minutes that could wake the dead. Buttercup especially likes the word "NO!", and occasionally will hit her sister. I am trying to remain calm for the good of the overall atmosphere in the home, but "losing it" seems imminent.

2--I'm so sad about Midnight Sun. Please don't mock me, I really might cry. Ever since I heard about Stephenie Meyer's misfortune to have her Midnight Sun manuscript posted all over the internet, I have felt quite blue. I have already admitted how big a fan of the Twilight series I am, and I know that it's silly to let something like this affect me--but yet it does. I seriously debated about reading the legal draft Stephenie Meyer posted on her site--it felt wrong to read it this way, but then again Meyer had stated that she was "putting the book on hold indefinitely". I finally decided to read the manuscript in case this was all that was ever written of Midnight Sun. I finished it yesterday--delighted with the added dimension to the story I love (almost as if I was reading Twilight again for the first time)--and devasted that this was all that there was. I've considered going back and reading the original series again just to appease my refound hunger, but the truth is that after seeing things through Edward's eyes, Bella's point of view just isn't good enough. So what to do now? I know how the story ends..... I'm thinking I'd better stop here before I get too far into my feelings and am teased/mocked etc. again.

Please give me something else to ponder on before I go mad.

Please tell me my writing skills have improved

I was one of those kids who always wrote notes during class to my friends and then dropped them in their lockers in between classes. I can't remember all the nonsense they contained, but I look back at the correspondence fondly.

Today I recieved an email from longtime friend, HRH, who proceeded to type out for me the exact words and spelling of a note I wrote to her in the 9th grade! I figure it was 9th grade because of the subtle Titanic referrences--and I still know who the code name "Mr. Onion", belongs to. And no, I'm not going to tell you who Mr. Onion was.

Enjoy:

HRH, (named changed to protect the innocent)

I decided to write you a note since I am bored. i am now in Advisary and just came from german. It was boring.

Mike Jackson told me that I was basically the whole soprano section today in concert choir. That means that I was wa to loud. Mr. Onion was there! He was going back and forth - I guess he was trying to figure out his schedule. He was looking fine today. Those eyes are so fine. With him around I could give up Leo any day.

I have the song (underlined) in my head. Near... Far... Where ever you are. I'll be missing you around 6th perios. But then I might not because Mr. Onion will be there. i think I'll miss you anyway thought!! :)

Heart/ megan

For Jayni

My 22 year-old sister Jayni is not only my most dedicated reader (she admits she comes straight to this blog automatically when she signs on her computer at work everyday), but probably also my most loyal fan. Having the opportunity to spend extra time with her lately has been fabulous, and I dread going home mostly because I will have to leave her behind.

Jayni and I always have such a blast together--whether we're laughing or just silently doing separate things side by side, we are happy and comfortable and at home there. I don't believe there is a person on this earth who understands who I am and just plain "get's" me, as well as Jayni does. There have been several moments when we have reacted to situations with the exact same facial expression, words, and intonation--and then looked at each other wide-eyed and laughed our heads off. We quote the same movies, sing the same songs, have the same inside jokes, and understand each other's mannerisms and sense of humor better than anyone.

I love her more than I can say. Although she is my little sister, I look up to her more than she could possibly ever know. You would be hard-pressed to find anyone as beautiful, sweet, perservering, courageous, fun, thoughtful and kind as Jayni. I wish I could possess her patience and bravery--but for now, I am satisfied that she is willing to share herself with me.

The Beehive State

I usually visit a plethora of blogs throughout my week for my own amusement. As I've been busy playing with family in Utah lately, I haven't found time to update my blog--but somehow I have kept up with everyone else's, (as well as all things Twilight). One of my favorite online spots is the domain of The Normal Mormon Husband. If you haven't heard of him, you are missing out on a good chuckle and a knowing nod. A few days ago I read a post of his regarding Utah--why some love it and some hate it. He then asked his readers to respond in kind about their own particular feelings about the Beehive state.

I myself have very strong feelings about Utah--I'm not sure I will be able to adequately express my views in this post, but I'll try my darndest. Having been away from my home state for most of the last year, and then being back in Utah again for the last several weeks, has really got me thinking about Utah's pluses and minuses. So here's my (somewhat) orderly list:

Minuses

• The traffic here is terrible. I used to hate it when people talked about "Utah drivers", and just assumed it was a way of being whinny about the local traffic. Now I see that Utah drivers are not fun play pals. They are always jealous of you and will do anything to show you that they are better, faster, braver, and smarter. They want to be first in line, and even though they cut in front of you, they sure won't let you in. Either that or they are just really old people who should probably have their license revoked.
• Everything--malls, grocery stores, gas stations, movie theaters etc.--is far away. It takes a long time to get anywhere, especially when you would prefer to live in Alpine--all tucked away in a little mountain cove.
• It is getting more and more expensive to live in Utah. Everybody (at least everybody who's a Mormon), wants to live here. The most beautiful places are getting crowded and filled up with either really big and ugly brown stucco homes, or rows and rows of really ugly brown stucco condos/matchstick box houses. If I do someday move back to my hometown, I'll probably have to shell out about a million bucks just to get a decent house.
• I'm not really sure if this is a minus, but here goes. There are so many LDS people here that it is almost too easy to blend in and become underused and underappreciated. My recent experience outside of Utah has opened my eyes to the importance of individuals in the church. In Utah I feel easily replaced--there's always somebody else in line to jump in if you falter. Whereas in "the mission field" there really is no one to replace you; if you slack off and don't do your job, everybody else is too busy with their two to three other callings to take care of it for you. So even though it is decidedly more easy to live in Utah, it has been much more rewarding for me personally to live outside of it.

Pluses

• It is so beautiful in Utah. There is nowhere like the Rocky Mountains. I have missed the mountains more than I ever dreamed possible. I love being able to wake up in the morning, go out the door, and hike right up a mountain. It feels as though the glories of nature, and even God, are at your fingers tips. The entire state is packed full of national parks, wildlife, and all different kinds of scenery. There are lakes all around for fishing or playing in, mountains powdered with snow for sledding or skiing on, and down south there are gorgeous red rocks and sand dunes.
• Utah has four seasons. Winter, Spring, Summer, and Autumn are all distinct time periods with different temperatures and pleasures. Each season is beautiful in it's turn, and never too harsh or unbearable. I am the type of person who needs to have a constant, flowing change in the seasons, and it's handed to me on a silver platter in Utah.
• BYU. What can I say? I'm an alumnus and my husband enjoys the football games.
• There are probably about eight temples within a half hour drive of where I live. Not only is it nice to have an array of choice, but it's also nice just to be able to go on a regular basis. Yes, in the land of Bismarck there is a temple, but it isn't open everyday at almost all hours; also, most people in the mission field don't have this advantage.
• Mormons! For some people this is an obvious minus, but I don't see it that way. I have heard complaints that people become complacent when there are too many LDS folk around them, saying that their children don't have to work as hard for their light to shine and stand up for what they believe in. Others are just weirded out by so many Mormons in one place. My take on that is--if we don't want everyone to be a Mormon then what are we doing missionary work for? And what in the world do you think the celestial kingdom is gonna be like? (Please don't take me wrong here. I am SO not saying that the celestial kingdom is going to represent Utah Valley. Or that there aren't good people who aren't LDS. I'm just defending my land and the people in it.) Sure, there are some complacent folks in Utah that live gospel standards, but they also exist elsewhere. In the mission field, usually these people are reffered to as "inactive", because they don't have as many people helping them to get to church. I love the everyday interraction with my LDS neighbors. Yes, I also enjoy my other neighbors, but you have to admit that you do know your neighbors much better when you're all in the same ward.
• I love fry sauce.
• I am hestitant to mention this point, but it is a true plus for me. My family is in Utah--granted, not all of them are here, but the bulk of my relations are here. I know I can make friends wherever I go--this has been proven time and again throughout this last year--but obviously nothing can quite take the place of your family.
• Utah is my home. This point is possibly even more important to me than the last. Even if everyone I knew left, I still know Utah. I grew up here, became the person I am today right here in Utah. Also, I know the area. I feel quite comfortable and at home.

So there are my thoughts about living in Utah. If you didn't notice I am more pro Utah than con. When Charming and I are done in North Dakota, we'll see if the folks here can scooch over a bit and make some room for us. That being said, I am open to any fabulous offers in the surrounding states--Nevada not included.

How do you feel about Utah?