Food is Torture

I've done a lot of thinking (and starving) lately and have made a few decisions for the present time.  I've decided to go off of grains for awhile in order to cleanse my body of the unhealthy effects of polluted grains that I constantly am taking into my system.  Also it should help drop some weight pretty quickly, which I am all about.  Don't freak out, it's really nothing extreme!  I can't explain the benefits that well since I don't speak Science, but I got a lot of eye-opening information at wellnessmama.com. 

I've been pretty good at keeping my diet goals the last two days.  Still, I haven't been 100%--I tasted a roll last night and this morning as I fed them to my children.  (Seriously, if I wasn't a short order cook I think this healthy diet thing would work out so much better.  But keeping only insanely health food in the house doesn't fit into my job description.  I know I should just force my children into the healthy stuff, but truly they are the pickiest eaters since I myself was young.... younger.)

So I ate a roll.  And then I felt guilty.

And then I felt like I had blown The whole Plan. 

And then I got over it.

Exercise:  I did walk around the block last night in the dark with a fabulous friend.  I wore my flip flops and of course my knees began hurting before I could turn a corner, but I sucked it up and finished the job.  It was really a delightful stroll/hike, and I probably damaged my knees worse.  Ah well.  I'll get into some real exercising soon--probably next week when I get Buttercup and Lou Lou back into school and settled and I can then focus on working out.  I thought I would put Farmboy in the stroller and go all around my beautiful mountain neighborhood for an hour every morning--while wearing my good tennies with the inserts of course.  Please bless that my knees won't hurt.

Anywho, so now I'm thinking I will still eat my sensible meals, but with more protein and less carbs--almost like an Atkins thing.  I have high hopes as long as I can find something to do with myself when I'm feeling emotional.  My first thought is always to go straight to the cupboard/freezer/whatever, but this is also no longer an option.  I need a hobby.  Perhaps I should actually do some of the crafts I've pinned from Pinterest. 

Also, my most darling sister The Princess has just joyfully informed me that she most likely will be coming to stay for the weekend.  Wonderful news--however, my way of entertaining and celebrating usually involves meals smothered in butter and chocolate chip cookies galore.  I have really got to find an alternate way of feeling happy--or expressing happiness.  This is not easy.  This is one of the hardest things I've ever tried to do.

Ideas?  Help?  Prayers?  Sigh.

I'm back. And I'm bigger and better... Or just bigger than ever...

As of late it has become exceedingly apparent that I have been eating way too many spoonfuls of peanut butter (see previous post).  As a matter of fact, peanut butter and other such comes-from-a-can-and-very-quickly-puts-a-smile-on-my-face foods are about all I remember of the last year.  Just as 1+1=2, peanut butter (etc.etc.) + no exercise = larger body and smaller wardrobe.  In turn, this leads to a very tired and sloppily dressed megs.  

I can point my finger wherever I like to place blame, and so I will.  

First and foremost, I am hungry.  You can find me at any hour of the day planning what my next meal (or snack) will be while simultaneously nibbling on a few cups of chocolate chips.  (Hey, they're small. Don't give me that.)  Will the universe just make me full already?  

Secondly, I am emotional.  The reasons for this hideous problem I could name by the thousands, but today I am going to highlight my crazy hormones as the main culprit.  If you'd like to know more please feel free to call me while I sob into the phone for an hour or two.  Or maybe we'll just go shopping...  Anywho, the point is that I literally eat my emotions and they've built a homestead on my thighs.  And my chin.

Thirdly, I have three babies.  Well, they're not all babies currently, but they once were and they've taken a toll on my poor body.  And can I just say that I have an eternal hatred towards women who look like models from the back and are 8 1/2 months pregnant in the front.  My body however is under the impression that babies are to be carried in your bum, and so it would naturally follow that my bottom would sag just as any mother's post-partum belly would.

Fourthly--and really this reason could fit into excuses numbers 1,2, and 3--I miscarried a baby earlier this year.  Hungry, hormones, babies.  Nuff said.

Fifthly, I walk funny and my bones and joints are all in wonky places.  This has been confirmed by my physical therapist husband Charming--and for good measure, a chiropractor.  Almost all exercise attempted results in much pain.  Like me screaming that my knees are going to explode kind of pain.  Whatever.

And sixthly,  MY BODY HATES ME.  This is a proven matter of fact.  Perhaps I haven't given it enough reasons to love me, or perhaps it's still mad about those ballet lessons in 2nd grade.  Whatever the reason, it wants to torture me.  The end.

Well, not necessarily the end.  I mean, chubby megs is fine and all to be for the moment, but after a moment or two you could say it gets annoying having to wear a skirt because none of your pants fit you.  And having four gorgeous not-that-much-younger sisters constantly reminding me of what beauty and athleticism look like.  Sigh.

Hence The Plan.  

The Plan is not that finely tuned as of yet, but I'm here today to say that I'm working on it.  I am going to be dieting myself into a better body image, as well as adding exercise (it tends to help).

In the past I have done Weight Watchers and was very successful.  However, WW is getting a little old to me and I am sick of counting Points.  For a week or so I am going to be seeing how strong my willpower is (and I think I'm frustrated enough that it might be pretty strong).  WW might make a triumphant return if I can't seem to get a handle on things on my own.  Counting calories may also be an option. 

I plan on eating three super-sensible meals a day with free fruit whenever I like.  Usually I don't like fruit--I would prefer a large scoop of Nutella thankyouverymuch, but obviously this can't happen anymore. 

I will be drinking lots of water and starting small with walks around the neighborhood.  That will gradually build until I can get back into step aerobics and riding my stationary bike. I'll aim for exercising 30 minutes, 5 times a week, to start.

Also, I have a bottle of "natural" diet pills that I will be taking starting in a week after I see how I've done on my own.  This first week will be a control to see if the pills are really doing anything.  And please don't tell me not to take the pills.  You can tell me to be careful, but I think these pills are pretty organic and will not be hurting me.  If they hurt anything it will be my pocketbook.  

I've decided to use my blog as another way to check in and keep me motivated.  Every Monday I'll be weighing myself in and reporting my weight loss.  No, you don't get to know my original poundage because that is a rude question and how embarrassing!  Let's just say it's somewhere between ouch and ludicrous.  This week I haven't lost anything--the scale has just confirmed my worst fears.  Meh.  Continuing on.  Once a month I will post a current picture of myself, so we can see the progress.  (Picture coming soon.)

And when I say we, I mean anyone who is interested.  I understand that just because you are my cousin or my friend from highschool you still may not be interested in the mundane details of my hopeful attempt to get in shape #183.  Feel free to run away and check back in a year to laugh at me. 

Not.  I am gonna be so hott.  Ahem.  

As for those of you who feel supportive or just curious even--welcome.  I could use all the help I can get.  

That is all.  You are excused.

Megs' search for happiness--take 73

I eat gobs of peanutbutter with a spoon. This explains so much about me. Feel free--read into in.

A fuzzy morning

Today is one of those days when I must do everything or I must do nothing. How do you find the balance of what is worthwhile and needful compared to simply going through the expected motions of your life? Don't panic--the children have been fed. (That falls under the needful category. I've found if you don't feed them everyday they get noticeably upset.) They have also been clothed and brushed and what-have-you. Is it worth it for me to marinate some chicken for dinner when I haven't even showered yet? Is it even a good idea to shower when I haven't done my expected workout? Why should I workout when it takes up a huge chunk of my morning and really I'm just so tired? It makes sense that I would be tired after reading a whole book in one sitting until 2:00am last night. But I needed to read that book, the same way I need chocolate when I'm stressed. (Oh, and I ate a bunch of chocolate chips too, which consequently gave me a headache. Huge Costco bag of chocolate chips? Best idea ever. Or worst.) So what is needful? What is the most important thing? This question always points to the best of all answers--you know, the ones you always repeat in sunday school: Pray, then read the scriptures. Huh, guess I'd better go get my priorities straight. I know there are women out there who are just like me, who have days of doubt and confusion of purpose. Sometimes it helps to know that you're not the only one struggling with everyday life--the only one who misses the seemingly obvious answers. It won't last forever. Just take one step at a time. Okay, now I'm going to go following the prompting. Then perhaps I'll start with getting dressed...

And then I took the Nyquil

Today I blog because I am avoiding doing the important stuff, or the "usual" stuff. The reason for this may be because I have a cold and took Nyquil last night and I'm still not over the effects, or perhaps because it's that special time and I feel like bursting into tears because all of the forces of the universe seem to be against me (totally not true bytheway if I do an evaluation--my body is just telling me lies). I can think of a hundred things to do and a bajillion reasons why not to do them--or maybe because I just don't want to move and that basically trumps everything. In the meantime Lou Lou and Farm Boy run wild through the untidy wilderness of my home. They don't seem deprived but then again Farm Boy thinks cat food is a treat. Okay, maybe I'll put a stop to that one. While I've got ya here I'll post some random musings:

• Why do I have to love peanut butter so much? It is a weakness, and paired with chocolate, it is my downfall.


• Lou Lou has informed me that she is in love with the cute little neighbor boy, and that she fell in love with him a long, long, long, long time ago when she was three. This sounds serious. Recently she asked me if she could play with Boy Next Door, and could she please put on her lipstick first before knocking on his door. Cause for concern?


• I really should recommit to taking off my makeup at night.


• There is a new stray cat in the neighborhood who looks very similar to Phoebe (my new cat) and is giving her a bad name by running into neighbors houses and hiding under their beds. If you are my neighbor, please understand this is not Phoebe, this is an evil voyeur look-alike and I do not feed her.


• Farm Boy now walks. Good? Bad? The jury is still out.


• I have now witnessed a live birth. Of a real human baby(!). IT WAS AWESOME. This event has commenced an inward struggle over my resolution to do anything that is needful to prevent myself from ever becoming pregnant again ever ever ever. But then one of my precious children whines about something and I'm more recommitted than ever before.


• My husband makes yummy treats. This must mean he loves my shapely figure and doesn't want it to change in any way because he's doing his darnedest to keep it round and soft. Um thanks Charming?


• Primary equals fun! Who knew? I completely forgot about the little party that happens in the primary room each Sunday morning. Plus there's a song for just about any topic that needs discussing or celebrating. Huzzah for my new calling!


• I've probably read about seven books this month. And I've still got a couple more days to squeeze another in. Yay! Another reason/excuse not to be productive!


• I am going to make a slipcover for my living room couch. I've been saying this since last October. Impediments: wimpy sewing machine, basic lack of a pattern or awesome sewing now-how, finding the perfect expensive fabric and fear of cutting into it, um--my obvious lack of motivation to even do the vacuuming.


• The aforementioned cat, Phoebe. What the devil was I thinking!?!?!!!! Oh well.


• All single men in their mid-twenties/early thirties are stupid. How could you exist out there and not be fawning over my most excellent sister, Miss Dowse? Do you not see how gorgeous she is? Her hair is indescribably wonderful. She is smart and witty, extremely fun and a hard worker. Unless your list for the perfect woman includes something like ugly, mean, hard-hearted, hates children, and has multiple piercings and tattoos, she is the girl you want. The real question is, are you good enough for her? You are all fools.


• I am going to start a garden. Sigh.


• I had very intense dream that I met Jim Carrey and we became fast, secret friends. We called each other all the time and laughed our heads off. Charming didn't mind. We ran away from paparazzi and ate delicious food. Weird.

Okay, now my conscience is declaring war on my blogging, so off I go to get dressed and make sure the small children haven't swallowed something toxic.

That is all.

Lou Lou gets right to the point

Today all three kiddos have had nasty colds--coughing and the whole bit. Poor Farm Boy couldn't keep any food down because he was coughing so hard. I felt a little bad for him, but really more sorry for me because hey, that kid can put away a ton of food in a short amount of time and getting it all over the floor is not my idea of cute decor (which is one of my general aims as a full-time housewife/mother/person-who-is-at-home-all-the-time-and-so-her-home-needs-to-be-her-awesome-fairyland-castle-blah-blah-blah). But I digress. To sum up, everyone had coughes today.

So tonight Lou Lou begged to say the family prayer, and was granted the privilege because actually praying willingly in the evening has not been going so well in the small child department as of late. I prepared myself for whatever was to come. The prayer was very to the point and focused on one topic--coughes (prounced koff-is). It went something like this:

"Please bless that my coughes will get better. And please bless that Buttercup's coughes will get all better. And please bless that Farm Boy's coughes will get better too."

And then almost as a side note:

"And we're thankful for everyone who has coughes. And thank thee for everyone who doesn't have coughes." (pronounced koff-is) Amen.

Charming and I then added a heartfelt amen to Lou Lou's pleadings. Who could reject such a prayer? She had everyone covered. And thus ended another day in Meg's fairyland-castle-house.

Amen. Um, I mean The End.

Buttercup ventures into reading... and launches her school-teaching career

Buttercup has really been advancing in her school work the last few months and weeks. She's been sounding out words with a frustrated attitude since this summer, but as of late her reading skills have really taken off. She started with some take-home-reading books from school that read simple repetitions and this last week she picked up one of her easy reader books that are much more complicated and read the whole thing--sounding out the more difficult words patiently and surprising me by knowing most of the words by sight. I suppose I ought to send her teacher an apple or something because apparently she's been doing her job well...

Buttercup has taken out her new found gifts on Lou Lou, who does preschool at home with me most mornings when Buttercup is at school. Although Lou Lou can barely recognize only a handful of letters, let alone remember their sounds, Buttercup thought it necessary to school her in the finer arts of punctuation. Setting up school downstairs in their expansive room, Buttercup wrote out a few sentences as an example for Lou Lou's learning, including a period, question mark, and exclamation point--and then proudly taped it on the sliding glass doors by the kitchen. It went as follows (notice the punctuation):

I like you.
Can you read?
I love you!

I hope Lou Lou now knows the difference between a calm "I like you." and a feeling "I love you!". Buttercup sure does. She's been practicing her reading "with expression". At first she was shy and a bit offended when I suggested she ammend her monotone reading voice to one using "expression" like mama does when she reads. She was horrified after a few examples to show her what I meant, but a day or two later she began doing it on her own--proudly displaying her expression like it was a new outfit. (And trust me, those are proudly displayed.)

Anywho, we are incredibly proud of Buttercup's achievements. Even after all these years, Charming and I seem shocked when our children learn something new--"Look! Something we made together can read on it's own! It works!".

It stretches beyond that--lately we realized that Buttercup will be turning six in a week or two, which is incredibly shocking because we were sure five was tops after her last birthday. But now that I think about it, next year Buttercup will turn seven.... and do you realize that after that SHE'LL BE EIGHT?!?!?!!! (Yes, I myself have learned how to use question marks and exclamation points.)

I tell you it is getting quite overwhelming how quickly time passes and children grow and learn and progress. But I suppose life would turn stale if change wasn't constantly occuring, even with our sweet little ones. Isn't that what the plan of salvation is all about anyway? Learning and growing and progression. Sigh.



You probably noticed I'm back. Duh. I felt like telling a story and here is the end result. You're welcome! We'll see if this sticks... this could be fun you know?

That is all.